Two Goths Read Twyla
by TheFeaturedCreature
Summary: Curtis and Rxe's thoughts on Twyla, the girl who was in love with a Vampyr :D
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Beginning Note: First of all, I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. It's past midnight and I need to laugh. So here it is...Twila da Girl who was in Love with a Vamyr by Rxe Rex and Curtis Jackson (Not Rx...) Rxe's comments will be in bold and Curt's comments will be in _this kind of bold._ Actually, Rxe will put an R and Curt will put a C in front of their comments. THANK YOU!**

CHAPTER 1

Hi my name is Twila**(R: I think she's deriving it from Twilight)** Beatiful **_(C: She mispelled 'beautiful..)_**Psyco**_(C: She mispelled phsyco)_** Topaz **(R: My birthstone is a topaz)**

(not cullen yet, bcuz i ddnt meet edward yet)**_(C: Great...)_(R: I'm laughing my freakin ass off. We all know Twila is now a Mary- Sue. This is worse than 'My Immortal')**

n i live in was chington**(_C: I've never heard of Chington, is it some 'goff' store I've never been to?) _(Chington is a new character, her name's actually Rosalie)** wif**_(C: WIF?)_(R: What is fuck)** my sister Midnite_**(C: She misspelled 'Midnight'. The last time I mispelled that was in firts grade. What can I say? I got skillz bitch)**._ we liv in a dark house that iz far away from every1 els n we r vampires.**(R: Isn't it hilarious that they live like theCullens) _(C: I thought they were going to tell me they llived in my basement, my room mate Thomas lives there)_**

we feest**_(C: 'feast')_** on blood n no1**(R: I thought spelling in chatspeak was banned from fanfiction)** else noes dat we are vampirs.**_(C: Big suprise there)_(R: Wow... I'm so fucking scared)**

not evn are mom**(R: You have a mom? That's a huge surprise!)_(C: Is she talking about her real mother of her sire. The sire would obviously know she's a vampire. Because she's the sire)_** wich is y we moved away to b by ourselves.**_(C: Oh... my gosh...she lives by herself. I hope she doesn't say her interests include horror movies and playing the guitar)_**

yes we r LONERS.**(R: So if you live with a room mate, your a loner? I live with my room mate, Nettie N., and we are not loners)_(C: I have 2 room mates, one is short and chubby, the other is tall and thin. Therefore, I am not a loner)_**

i go 2 a hi school**(R: Me too!)_(C: I'm starting senior year this year!)_** n every1 finks dat im really hott**(R: She's just a stand in for Bella_)(C: I don't find her attractive.)_**,

i hav strait blak hair nd topez eyes**(R: I hate this story already) _(C: I have blue eyes and messy black hair!)_**

n mi sister midnte is da same accept she has magenta eyez**(R: Well, no duh. You're sisters_)(C: My uncle looks like my dad, only he's balding!)_**. i wear lots of blak makup on mi eyes even tho i hav dark ciircles under my eyes**(R: I have dark circles under my eyes... and yes, I do the racoon eyes makeup sometimes)**, (a/n ok if u think thats lame then FUK U,**_(C: Fuck you too, Twila)_**

edword_**(C: Ed to the word)**_ has dem too and steraphie myers sed hes realli hot ok**(R: He kind of looks like a sparkly pixie to me) _(C: Is it true that Edward's 6'3, because if he is, I feel terrible)_**.) i dnt lyk any1 at mi school, i am a missenthrop**(R: I think she means 'misfit')_(C: Is missenthrop a word. And no Twila, I will not look it up. I looked up my name on Urban Dictionary. It said I was a sexy beast. I certainly don't feel like one reading this story)_** (a/n loook it up)

that menz i hate other ppl accept midnite**(R: I used to be a loner in sixth grade. I didn't hate everyone. Just Stacy, that whore_)(C: Big surprise there!)_**.

one day i met a realli sexi vampore named EDWARd CULLENS**(R: Really? I couldn't even fathom that idea until I read this!)_(C: This is soo stupid. Holy Lala, what have I gotten myself into)_** he haz realli white skin lyk me. he is satan's gift to dis planet**_(C: Don't you mean God's gift?)_(R: Why? Why does everyone want to be a Satanist?)**

(a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST**_(C: But she just said that 'Edward was satan's gift to this planet'_.)(R: She's an this following par)**. i thnk saten created dis universe**_(C:I am usually very accepting of other people believing how the world was creating, but this idea is the stupidest piece of shit I have ever read.) _(R:I have many athiest friends, and they don't believe satan created the universe)** god bles u satan**_(C: You have just disgraced so many things. I would seriously beat you up)_(R: WTF?)**

u r alwayz in mi heart.)**_(C: Please matame)_** so anywey i met him i nda skewl n he was wif some fukking ugli ass bytch named bella swann. she waz soo stupid n she kept fallin out of her seat.**_(C: Unless the seat is broken, you're too short for the seat, or too tall for it, you can't keep falling down)_(R: I'm laughing my ass off)**

edwward lookd at me lyk wtf is dis gurl doing**(R: Edward is right, WFT is Twila doing_?)(C: She's falling out a chair, as if it isn't obvious enough)_**. i smiled at him sexi and aventerous n he new rite away that i wuz a vampir**_(C: According to the shitty ass movies, he can read everyone's mind... hey Edward, what am I thinking?)_**,

i culd tell from his eyes wich were da same collor as mine.**(R: So you could tell from the color of his voice?)**

"Heyy" he sed walkn away from bella. dere were some gay ass ghetto ppl**_(C: I hold much resentment to gangster people... I got jumped, but seriously, to call them 'ghetto' people)_** in his way doin da SOLDA BOY CRANK DANce**. (R: I don't know about the dance, but I totally love the Soldia Boy Crank Dat song)_(C: As much as 'A Corpse in my Bed'?)_(R: Er... no)**

n he jus lookd at dem with his dethly eyes n they iran away**_(C: I've tried doing the death stare. I look much better when doing my cute smile_)(R: *Death stares at Curt* Nah, he's still laughing... he's getting his coffee, I need water)**. i realy hat cliks**_(C: But clicking stuff _is fun!)** n gheto ppl fink they r kewl**_(C: Seriously, I'll give it to Twyla, gangsters ARE idiots... but not as much as Twyla)_**, i giv dem the middle finger in the halwayz n itz l;ke YEA HUS TUFF NOW LOL rite**(R: She's speaking in ghetto now)_(C: Transalation: I like to suck so much... I'll stop)_**

neway edward n i sat 2getha at da lunch tabel n bella stard at us wif dat poser jakob**(R: She spelled Jacob wrong_.)(C: My cousin's name is Jakob!)_**. ed ddnt pay ne atencion to her at all. he told me al abot how he iz a vampir n his dad carlose**(R: So now Edward's dad is Mexican. No offense, I'm part Hispanic myself)_(C: His name was Carlose, not Carslisle)_**

wnated 2 meet me. n his sisters alice, rosmarie**(R: My middle name's 'Marie_)(C: Rosemary's Baby was a sick movie)_**, jasper n emet all luved me rite away**_(C: What a fucking prep)_** n his mom esmi**(R: Esme Genevieve Gigi Squalor)** wnted 2 meet me 2.**_(C: She's speaking in chatform again)_**

so we kut skewl early n went to his realli big house in da woods n jasper is realli big and muscelar so he jst nocked down all da treez in da way.**(R: What the fuck?)_(C: I'm laughing my ass off)_**

when we got there carlose came to da door imedately. he gasped in surpise at my beauty**(R: What a Mary Sue)_ (C: Every good character must have a flaw. Obviously, Twila is a BAD character)_**

"You Must be twila, my u certenly r attraxive" he teasd me seductevly.**(R: If a thirty year old dude told me that, I would kick him in the nuts)_(C: What a fucking gentleman)_**

ed, jasp, emet, alison n rosaline all growld at him angrly, all sensitive becuz they liked me 2**(R: At least Alice and Rosalie don't like you)_(C: *Facepalm*_** besidez it wusnt fare cuz he was alreadi married.**(R: At least he's not married to Esme)**

"Yea thats me lol" i told him and bowed (a/n dats wat they do in japanese becuz its polite)**(R: Because there's a Japanese vampire in the Cullen family)**

"nice to met you i said.**_(C: It's a pleasure flaming you, Twyla)_**

"So i hear ur a vampir, cum in my house n we can talk about it."**(R: Yeah, cause I would totally spill my guts to some stranger I just met)**

I waz sooo excited n i ran in quikly in every1 followed me, we were alreadi frends.**_(C: They're friends and they haven't even said one word to each other)_**

XXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTE 1XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**_(C: Oh thank God)_**

PLZ GUYZ TELL ME IF ITS GUD**(R: No... it's not)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors' Note: Rxe and I have never read a more vile piece of trash than this. I feel sick man, really I do.**

FLAMERZ BAK OFF OK. mi engish is fine**(R:Notice she put 'mi' and 'engish')**

u dnt hav to b a bytch about it u fukkin homos**_(C: I'm not a homo..)_**. if u lik bella i sed not 2 red cuz u wuld be offenced.**(R: Wtf?)**

i red dis book a lot of tims i fink i no der names.**(R: I've read Twilight twice. I know their names better than you)**

and wateva u say**_(C: This is totally random, but who here like 'The Highwayman' poem?)_**, DUNT DISS TARA GELSBIE. OK. SHE IS A FUKKING GRATE RITER**(R: LOL)**

OK HERE IS CHAPTA 2.**_(C: Chapta 2, the way gangstas' say it)_**

XXXXXXXXXXXXX CHAPTER 2 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**(R: XXXXXXXXX)**

Wen i walkd in2 da house**_(C: She's so ghetto)_** edward disapered and den appered at da piano (hez a vamprie he kan do that**.(R: Now he's Beetlejuice.))** he storted 2 play Famous Last werds by mi chemical romans.**(R: I almost choked on my water. Plus, Gerard Way and Joel Madden sound alike.)_(C: The first time I ever heard of My Chemical Romance was when I saw that Creature Feature concert and the lead singer sang a parody of the black parade... but I never, ever heard My Chemical Romans)_**

i started 2 sing in my beatifull**(R: She spelled beatifull wrong)** voice "Wel i kno that i kan make u stay, wel den were iz ur heart? were iz ur heart?"**_(C: In your chest, on the left side, close to your shoulder)_**

every1 gasped, even tho they were vampirs they didnt hav voices lyk me**(R: I had no idea that if you were a vampire, you had a great voice. I thought that only applied to sirens)**. OUT of nowere they all jumped up nd tried to tak off my cloths._**(C: RAPIST!)  
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"WOT R U DOING?" i creamed**(R: I hope that's not a sexual word_)(C: Hhahahahaha)_**. deir eyes were red n they had all turned in2 savagez. den they stoppd and confused.**(R: WTF, better yet, WIF?)**

"Sorry Twila." edward sed**_(C: The 'sed' of Edward)_**. "sometimes wen we c some1 we kant resist we turn in2 beasts**(R: Wow, so the Cullens are werewolves. Fear their muttonchops_)(C: That's a disgrace to all men with muttonchops, including Wolverine)_**.

it wnt hapen agen" puting bak on mi clothe.**(R: Dear Curtis, this sucks)_(C: Wanna hear a good description? I got this off of Rxe's composition book: _**

**_Blood and brains splattered over the little girl. The red stained her raven locks. The crimson color was all over her face and body. Her pupils became larger by the second. For a moment, she was lost for words. She stared at the redcoat, who grinned over her mother's dead body._**

**_She's doing this for a school project and you can read the entire story at .980)_**

"Itz ok a lot of ppl r attracted to me**(R:I think she means she is repellent to people_)(C: I can sense that she is lying)_**" i excplaned.**(R: She misspelled 'explained')**

they all understod.**_(C: Really, I didn't. And I'm a 3.9 GPA, honor student)_**

"it must be ur blood" sed carlose**(R: CARLOSE! WOOT!)** in horrofied**_(C: I think he meant whoreofied)_**. "Beauty**(R:But I thought her name was Twila)**, u hav the most rare n exotic blood in all da world, evry vampir wil want to drink it.**_(C: Wait, but Twila is a vampire . That doesn't make any sense whatsoever)_**

itz much betta den that other gurls, wats her name**?(R: Nettie Necrophilia_)(C: Nettie is reading this)"_**

"Dat bytches nam is bella**(R: Jasper's a gangsta'_)(C: Did I tell you I got jumped once? It was scary.)_**" sed jasper growling. Midnite

hugged him so he wuldnt get 2 angry n apper in bellas house n strangle her wif 1 tuch of his finger**(R: She's making Jasper have the strength of a Greek god)**

cuz hes realli strong lyk da hulk**_(C: I'm no fan of superheroes, but I know for a fact, Jasper isn't nearly as strong as 'da' Hulk)_**.

"twila, i wnat u 2 marri me" sudenly screemed alise**(R: That's hilarious)_(C: Erik, will you marry me?)_** hu was a plebian.**(R: My Chemical Romans)**

edward rowred at her, furius n all protective**_(C: Edward's a little ass wad compared to Dracula.)_**

n sudenly... he htransformed!**(R: So Jacob is the vampire, and Edward is 'da' werewolf?)**

"OMFG NOOOO"**_(C: OMFG! NOOOO!)_** i shouted cuz i dint want ne1 2 get hurt.**(R: Twila only knows how to count to two)**

eds shirt bursted opened wif mussels.**_(C: So his nipples had mussels hanging off of them)_**

his topazz eyez turnd pure blak with strengt n energy n he jumped at alice

"TWOLA

IS MARRING ME ALREADI"**(R: Dude, you've barely known the bitch for a day)_(C: Suddenly, Curtis jumped on top of Erik and said "You asshole! RagOmAffin is marrying me already!)_** he sed wif his voice was booming n all da windows exploded n da glass rained down lik in dat avril laven video wer she punches da miror n da glass all flyes out around her**(R: But Tara said Avril was a prep)**. He storted 2 fite with alice to da death over me.**_(C: What is fuck?)_**

"Guyz guys" i suddenly compromized "Guess wat srry im not a lebian." alice started 2 cry tearz of blood**_(C: F is for Frank who was stabbed through the eye!)_**. "Y r her tears blood" i asked all curios**(R: That's the same thing I was thinking.)**

"Oh no this is bad" said emet hu had been in da bathrom da hole time.**_(C: While Nettie and Rxe were reading this out loud, I was taking the best piss of my entire life)_**

"wen we cry our tearz r blood n its da blood of our victims, shez losin blood n now she wil be thirsy agen. RUN"**(R: I still think Frank was stabbed through the eye)**

Alic tryed 2 jump at me and tare my flesh but i movd out of da way n she attakd rosemarie instead hu was prety but she waznt as prety as me n her throat flew open**(R: Cause she's the prettiest. no duh)**. n blood poured out everywere n alice ate it.**_(C: My brain is scarred)_**

"Ohh mi satan" i said heartbrokn becuz i causd so much truble. edward jus laughed "its ok babe"**(R: Yo' mamma's gonna slap yo' silly, Twila)_(C: She said oh my satan. I always thought oms meant oh my sideburns)_**

he said nd kissed me for da 1st time!**(R: I had my first kiss with Curt...)_(C: We were in ninth grade)_** (He had turned back from blak ed**(R: She spelled 'black' wrong)**

to white ed (a/n HEZ LIK HOTSANHARU FROM FRUITY BASKET**_(C: I think she means Fruits Basket_)(R: I want a fruity basket!)**)

n he was calm agen.) "Shez a vampir, shell just cum bak 2 life."

so they sedeted alison n she fel asleep n rose came bak 2 lyf. we had berger king**(R: Cause vampires eat normal, human food)_(C: Get me something! I want a whopper!)_**

4 diner bcuz i had 2 hurry. n then i went home thinsking of edword the hole time and how his flami hot lips felt on my.**(R: Cause corpses are warm)** his body waz so warm**_(C: Nettie Necrophilia knows for a fact that corpses aren't warm)_**

n i culdnt wate to c him agen.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTA**(R&C: YAYYYY!)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors' Note: Rxe and I just had a wonderful dinner... this is so going to spoil it...**

OK PPL HU**_(C: What the hell is 'HU'?)_** REVIEW 2 SAY SHIT ABOUT MI STORI CAN GO FUKK DEMSELFS**(R: This is terrible. Most trolls are teenage females who have no manners. Hey, but Thomas was also a troll (He wrote 'The Prayer Warriors')**. my stori is beleiveble**_(C: It's belieBable)_**

u just hav 2 keep readin n u can c y**(R: Because you and Edward have intercourse_?)(C: And everyone finds it cute?)_**!1 but to ppl hu gav me good reveiws, THANX U GUYZ ROKK 333 LUV U**(R: I rock, 333)**

CHAPTER 3**_(C: 33)_**

"Hey betch**(R: Amazing, she calls her sister 'betch')_(C: Some kid called me a 'betch'. He got his ass beaten the next day)_** wat r u doin home." midnite asked.**(R: Dude, what the fuck do you think? She's at home, casa...)**

"u hav 2 promise not 2 say nething**_(C: Why does Nettie's name keep getting misspelled, it's not 'nething' guys)_**..." i sed nervly n midnite laffed n sed "hu wuld i say somthing 2, we r loners remeber?"**(R: Cause people with a roommate are loners)**

"o yea" i sed and told her evrythin dat hapened**_(c: Seriously? No offence, but what happened was the dumbest shit since the Omen remake)_**. she gosped**(R: At least they don't gasp in this story)** wen i told her abot edword kissing me**_(C: Seriously, why do people call EdWARD EdWORD. People call me Curtisiana.. is that even a name?)_**. "SO WATE" **(R: At least she didn't say 'wait')**she scremed "R U GUYZ IN LUV NOW OR WHUT?"**_(C: Dude, they just met)_**

"ya were goin 2 homecuming 2getha."**(R: Homecoming. I swear I've never been to that)_(C: I burned my homecoming invite in the fireplaace)_**

i showd her my blakk dress wif lace n leather n my spiky black shoez.**(R: At least she didn't say 'shoes')**

"edword sed he liks dese**_(C: Edward certainly likes a sado/maso relationship then)_**." we laffed happy 2gether n danced arond da house**(R: Sounds like Snow White to me)**. we were so happi 4 me**(R: She knows how to count to 4 now)**. i sang tenagerz by mcr**_(C: Seriously, this is the dumbest song I've ever heard. It's stupid 'Teenagers scare the living shit outta me', who writes their fucking lyrics anyway? I'll castrate them... even if it's a woman)_**. den. ... DA DOOR NOCKED!**(R: god from the machine)_(C: Oh ma gosh! Da door nocked!)_**

"TWIL WERE R U. sum1 asked frum outside. i went 2 da door n it was alison**(R: At least it wasn't Alice)**. i scremed. IF U FUKKING TRI 2 SUKK MI BLOOD AGEN ILL GET ED**_(C:WORD)_** i told her. she bast in2 tearz. midnite quikly jumoed up 2 defend me** (R: Midnite: I may only be 2'6, but I'll still beat your ass)_(C: 2'6 is shorter than..*gOsp* AliSON)_**

but i told her to go awey bcuz i culd handle alis**_(C: :D)_**.

"ok y did u cum here." i sed**(R:Brace yourselves for a sexy plebian scene)**. alisenz blody tears dint scare me**_(C: F is for Frank who was stabbed through the eye!)_**. i new she had enuf blood 2 last cuz of wen she attaked alison.**(R: Alis attacked Alison)**

"i felt sooo bad 4 tring to drink ur blood" she histericly cry. "i wnted 2 alopogize wif a present."**_(C: It's My Chit Reeks tickets)_**

"All i wnat in dis world is edword**(R: All I want in this worl is CurtASS)**, n i hav him so noting u can giv me matterz." i shucffed at her. But den ... she held up 2 TIKKETS 2 A MCR CONSERT!**_(CurtASS: What did I fucking tell you?)_**

"OMFGGGGG!111**(R: Really? 111?)**" i was static**_(C: Then she would so get shocked)_**. i grabed dem from her n gave 1 2 midnite. "actully" alison wimpered "1 was suposed 2 be 4 me. so we cold go 2getha**(R: Alison, after trying to eat Twila, that's never going to happen)**"

"But i wanted 2 go wif ed" i shoted.**_(C: At least she didnt's say EdWORD)_**

i imagned his beutiful face wif his blakk eyliner n blakk lipstik.**(R: EdWORD CullenS is gay)**

n his smexi bodi. OK alison sed. "we can jus tak mi hole family. esmet realli luvs mcr 2"

so we went to da consert n ed n i had innercoarse**_(C: Inner course. The fourth course of dinner)_** on da way. evry1 tought we wer so cute**(R: That's gross)**.

"THIS NITE**_(C: It's Nettie, not 'nite')_** WALK DA DEAD**(R: Don't rip off Creature Feature... they're like 3 of a kind...long story)**" scremed gerad way. den... EVENIEZENCE**_(C: She means Paramore)_** KAME**(R: The Kane chronicles)** ON! dey sand

a duet wif mcr. den dey sang sum more stuff.**(R: Elaborate, damnit!)**

emet had an ejaxclamation**_(C: Then I presume Emmett was pantless and had no underwear on. Because that's pretty much the only way you can see an ejaculation)_** in da audience n sudenly HE TURNED IN2 A BAT**(R: So when dudes ejaculate, they turn into bats_?)(C: *Facedesk*)_**.

"OH SHITTTTT NOOOO" EDWard sighed**(R: He turned in2 a bat!)**. "dis is bad too twola, dis is realli bad_**.(c: Why?)"**_ all dis bad stuf kept hapening wile i was wif dem. vampirs turn int2 batz wen dey r realli exited**_(C: Not true, my uncle's Dracula..)_**

n evry1 wuld no his secret but no1 cared cuz dey wer all gothz**_(C: MCR isn't even a goth band, neither is Evanescence.)_**. gerad lookd at him from da stage n he jumpd down thru da crowd n came over 2 us.

"Hey r u a bat."** (R: Gerard is so fucking brilliant**

he sed in his fukking killer voce. i CREAMED**_(C: I feel sick)_(R: *ROFL*)** so loud bcuz i luvvv gerad wif all my lyfe. his makueup waz runing bcuz he waz cring cuz dey sang Helen**(R: It's an ok song)_(C: Fun facts: MCR calls their fans Killjoy, which is were Killjoy from Emo Erik got his name. Creature Feature calls their fan girls 'ghouls' and fan boys 'boils'. Which is where Corpsie Ghoulie from Dead Ed got her name)_**

(a/n dat song is abot his grandpa hu dyed** (It's actually about his dead granMA, dumbshit)**

RIP GERARDS GRANPA**_(C: Rot in pieces, Erik)_**) but he glarced at emset n tuched his wings n he turned bak.**(R: *Facedesk* You know I could make a troll fic about a girl name 'Janet Rxe Rex Rx' who's in love with Klaus Baudelaire and have Creature Feature appear as special guests. But then again, I'm not a troll)**

gerad went home wif da cullenz bcuz he nd emet becam bfs. cuz dey fell in luv**(R: Gerard's married and has a son)**.

i was sooo jealous but ed got angy n i told him i luv him so it waz ok. WE ALL WENT HOM N I GOT GERARDS AUTOGRAF.**_(C: Creature Feature gives out nice hugs)_**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTE

PLZ GUYZ GIV ME MOR REVEIWS I FINK DIS WAZ A REALLI GUD CHAPTER**(R: I don't)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors' Note: Hey guys... would you rather listen tp this POS than read it. Go to /SybilInsane! We're already on chapter 3... my suh-space**

OK PPL I AM NOT A TROL! I AM A VAMPIR**(R: And Curtis' dick sparkles... yeah right)**

OK GET IT STRAIT THANX FOR DA PPL HU GAVE ME GUD REVEIWS U GUIZ ROKK**_(C: Yeah...I wonder who they were)_**

CHAPTER 4

I was walking down da halway in skewl wen i saw Ed wif... bella!**(R: Oh my gosh!) **

she waz askin him sumfing n cring all over da place**_(C: My dick doesn't sparkle... I swear)_**. "Wat is goin on" i snared n edword hugged me n sed "Its ok i waz tring 2 ignore her butt**(R: Curtis has a skinny ass) _(C: Shut up!)_**

she wnt go away."**(R: WTF?)**

"Plz plz edmard" she cryed. "I realli want 2 go to homecumin wid u**_(C: I wanna go to the homecoming with Lydia Deetz!)_**. i go evry year wif no date

n now im in luv wif u nd i want u to b mi date**(R: Say no EdWORD)**."

STFU**(R: Because Edward tells everyone to shut the fuck up)** edward sed. "Cant u see dat i alredi hav a is my gf TWILA."**._(C: I don't even want to know...)_**

"Yea u better bakk off." i told her. "odderwize thingz mite get messi." She ran away screming**(R: Because Bella is really sensible like that)**.

"So hav u cn Esmet?' i assed**_(C: She assed)_**

him. "He waznt in homroom 2dai"**_(C: 2DAI)_**

"Yea ummm Tqila**_(C: Speaking of tequilas, I need one_)(R: You're eighteen)**, he transforrmed out of da skewl so he culd go on tourz wif Gerad**(R: .fuck)**."

"But hes a vampir1**_(C: Vampir#1_**"

i was socked at dis**(R: Someone threw socks at Twila)**. "Yea but ur a vampiir 2." ed sed. "o yea." i sed. (a/n I DINT FORGET I WAZ WATING 4 DA RITE TIME TO BRING IT UP AGEN.)**_(C: *Facedesk*_**

so we both turned in2 batz n flew 2 class (no1 noticed**)(R: According to Twilight, vampir#1's don't turn into batz).**

When skewl ended i went in2 my car and drove hom. Wen I got der my sister was geting maried**_(C: WTH?)_**.

"OMSG**(R: Oh my Shitty Gerard)** R U GETING MARIED 2 JAZER**(R: At least she isn't getting married to Jasper)**." i culd not beleve it. 'yea' she smeled.**_(C: That's it... Twila is a trolling genius)_**

"I luv him n he iz goin 2 live wif us now**(R: But he would crush you with the touch of his finger!)**."

I storted 2 cry becuz ed n i wernt maried yet_**(C: And you've been going out for two days? Rxe and me have known each other all our lives...)**_. Midnite trid to hug me but i shot her away**(R: She shot her sister because she hugged her. How charming)**, bcuz her lif waz so much betta dan mine. "Im alredi 16 n im not marred yet."**_(C: Hello, we're not in 1777.)_**

tears swam down mi beatiful**(R: She spelled 'beautiful' wrong)** face.

Suddenly... dey al shoted "SURPISEE!1**_(C: 1)_**" Midnite n Jasper wernt getting married... IT WAZ 4 ME AND ED**(R: WTF?)**! (a/n dey got mared da next day insted_**)(C: LOLZ).**_

"NO WAY I was sooo inflated.**(They were inflated)**

Edward and me had an atheest**_(C: Atheest)_** ceremoni in my hose**(R: How did you guys fit in there?)**.

So we were huband and wives**_(C: Edward does not have a man carrot, it was verified)_.**

Midnite, Jazper, Esmie, Emet, Gerad**_(C: But at least Gerard wasn't there)_**, Rose, were all dere... but so waz... ALLICE!**(R: At least Alice wasn't there)**

"I hope ur not mad dat me n ur brother r married." i sed to her gothikally**_(C: This is how you speak gothicaly... So-suh I was-a checking-suh my-sus space page! Give it up for Erik's my-suh space page!)_** after da wedding. "I told u that i dunt lik u that way, im not lezz**(R: LOLZ)**."

"Sigh" she knew. So we all went 2 a party n had lots of blood. Then we went bak to mi house. Some1 rang the bell n i answered it, making out wif Edword.

"Y DID U MARRI HIM YOU IGNORANIUS." shoted da guy at da door. It was Bibby Brown**(R: BIBBY?)**.

He ran in on his weelchaire**_(How can you run in a wheelchair?)_**

n Jacob flowed him. "Dont u dare tuch Twia." snotted**(R: Snotted who? Gerard, Billy Joel...)**

Ed. Every1 came 2 c what waz happening. "Why wold I toch her, shes hieneous" he glarred at me.

"THATS IT NOW I HAV 2 KILL U." boomed mi busband.**_(C: Seriously...I find glasses way more interesting)_**

He turned in2 a savage lik da time i went to his house.**(R: Because EdWORD is the werewolf)**

I told him 2 stop becuz i needed to talk to Bolly n Jakob**_(C: Bolly, I think she means bally..this is a very touchy-feely relationship)_**. he stoped.

"Ok y dont u want us 2 be together y is our love so bad 4 u" i cried.**(R: TwilaXEdWORD.. worst pairing ever)**

"Itz because... I CANT SAY IT."**_(C: Massive, throbbing gigglestick. There, I said it.)_**

sed da guy in da wheelcher.**(R: His name is Bally)**

"JUST SPIC IT OUT**_(C: I'll spic it up out then)_**." every1 sed. he began to cry histerical. "Mebe dis song will help u undersand**.(R: This is Glee: Twila Edition)"**

he started 2 sing in his crampy old voice "WELL I MIS U. I MISS U SO FAR. N DA COMMISION OF UR KISS, DAT MADE IT SO HARD**.(R: That sounds so fucking wrong_)(C: Even more proof that MCR is the worst band to walk upon this earth)"_**

Well gerald was FORIOUS becuz dat was his song n he started 2 attak him bcuz of copiright refrigement**(R: I didn't know refrigirators could copyright)**. (a/n I DNT OWN THE LYRCS TO DA SONG EITHER).**._(C: I don't either)_**

Ther was a big fite n i storted to cry "Oh no, ur in luv with me arnt u."**_(C: Why is everyone in love with you in this story?)_**

And Bobby Ran away from gerad n sed YES. Edword killed him.**(R: LOL)**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAOTER 4XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	5. Chapter 5

IF U R LEVING ME LONG AZZ REVEIWS ON Y I RUNED UR LIFE DEN SORRI GET DA FUKK OVA IT.**(R: Did she just say 'ovary'?)_(C: Pet my sideburns)_**

i am gong 2 keep makin chaptas**_(C: OH NO!)_**

n if u report me den ur a lozer**(R: No, that means we're smrt)**,

ill just make a new accont**_(C: Of course you will. And you shall call it: Get-suh fuck-suh out-suh here-suh)_**. NEWAYZ FANX 2 DA PPL HU GAVE ME GOOD REVEIWS**(R: They were of losers)** AGEN U GUYZ KEEP ME GOING_**(C: She's very sexually active...in her nightmares)**_. PLZ ENJOY CHAPTA 5.**(R: I'm listening to Ghostbusters! And Curt's headbanging)**

CHAPTER 5**_(C: OMGZ! It's Fruity Baskets!)_**

We didnt no whut 2 do wif all da blood from bobby brown**(R: The singer? You murdered my future husband, you ghetto bitch!)**

so every1 just drank it off da floor._**(C: Like Horustamaro from Fruity Basket!)**_

We had weding gamez**(R: You guys are at a wedding?)** n shit**_(C: They ate shit)_**

and jacob left cuz he waz angri at us 4 some resason.**(R: You just killed his dad, you dumbass!)**

We playd spin da bottle n GErard had 2 kiss ed**_(C: I swear I will never, ever, ever play Spin the Bottle again because of that last sentence)_**. (a/n lol bi guyz r sooo hot**_(C: I had pasta and beef with a salad for dinner. I can feel it coming up my throat as I read that author's note-suh. I'm-suh speaking in-suh tongues-suh)_**) i waznt jelous cuz dey r both guyz**(R: What the fuck? That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard)**. But Emetr was deprezzed**(R: Poor Emetr)**

becuz Gerord is his bf**_(C: Gerard is married to a woman and has a son)_**. We listened 2 Green day and he got cheered up**(R: Cause Green Day has such cheerful music)**.

I was gong 2 sleep dat nite**_(C: *BLEGHH* I'm sick)_** when i got posesesd by Saten**(R: Shitty fuck!)** .But it was ok cuz were friendz**_(C: You scare me... and I speak in tongues)_** n he just doez dat sometimes as a joke**(R: What the fuck)**.

I asked him wat he wanted n he told me 2 kill Rosemarie**_(C: Rosemary's baby)_**.

"What y?" I new dat Ed**(R: ED)** would be angey if i killed his sister.**_(C: I would be pissed if you killed my sister.. oh, wait, I don't have one!)_**

"Becoz she is a blond prepp" sed satan suicidelly**(R: There are so many things wrong with that last chapter)**. So I went 2 der house in da dark n i knew wich was rosalyns room becuz da door was pink with pompomz hanging from it n a poster of Holary Duff**_(C: Since when was Rosemarie a prep?)_**. I broke down da door**(R: Of course you did)**

but inside waz... EDWIRD!**_(C: Oh my fucking gosh)_**

"WTF IS GOING ON U ASSHOLE" i scremed "DIS IS UR ROOM?"**(R: Yeah, Edward's a fucking cheerleader)**

"NO LET ME FUKKING**_(C: Fukking...)_** EXPLAN_**(C: EXPLAN)**"_ he began to cry. Den i saw... ROSA WAS ON TOP OF HIM!**_(C: Throbbing man carrot)_**

"EW WTF U BUSTARD DATS UR SISTER!1" i exploded.**(R: She exploded... lovely)**

I transofmed n began to tear da room apart n ripped all da preppy posters down. I jumped at Rosalien n bit her neck nd she started having a sezure. Then she ran around nd died.**(R: At least Rosalie didn't die)**

Ed kept crying.**_(C: Really, you just killed his lover/sister)_**

"Dis is disgusting" i said wif disgust.**_(C: I agree)_**

"I cant beleve it, u nd Rose**(R: EdwardXRosalie is my favorite couple!)**." "Just listen ok" he pleased. "I culdnt c in da dark, I thought she was you**_(C: That's the lamest excuse ever)_**."

"Yea rite like I beleve dat. We're getting a devorce**!(R: They're not even married)"**

I waz so pissed**_(C: She creamed herself)_**. But den Edward got on his knes n sang "If u mary me, will u bury me,**(R: Necrophiliac song)**

will u carry me 2 da end?" Nd I remembad da promise we had mad ova dat song when we got marred._**(C: Wait, they're marred?)**_

We sed we wuld alwayz b der 4 each odder**_(C: They're odders)_**.

"Ok fine dis is ur last chance bittch**(R: She just called Edward a bitch)**."

I ran out of da room nd saw Carlose**(R: Carlose is the Mexican version of Carlisle)** in da hall. "Hey babez" he laffed**_(C: Oh ma gosh, it's Beetlejuice)_**. "Im so much betta dan edward, y dont u come upsters wif me_**?(C: As a man, a find this stereotypical and idiotic**_**)(R: As a woman, I find this to be shit)"** But I just ran away sadly becuz every1 wanted sumfing from me.**(R: What a Mary Sue)**

The next day was a bad tim becuz it was akward betwn me nd Ed**(R: You just saw him having sex with his sister_)(C: Like Horusamono from Fruity Basket!)_**. Nd plus Midnite was in da hospital from slitting her rists**(R: Like Tata Gillesbie, Tata)**, becuz Jazper had called her a slutt.**_(C: Oh wow...)_**

He waz getting realli moody all da time nd he acted jelous around me nd Ed all da time.**(R: Jazper's on his period)** I asked him abot it in skewl

"Hey y da fukk did u mak my sister slit her rists." I roared**_(C: "Because, I like the taste of human blood," Jazper whimpered)_**. He sighed wif deprezzion nd sed "Im just not in luv wif her anymore, after u killed alic I saw ur true strength_**.(C: Am I the only male in this entire story who finds he unattractive?)"**_

"What r u saying?" I dint undestand. "Im saying dat i would rather b with u dan her. So I was hopping dat she wuld kill herself nd we wuld b devorced**.(R: There's a corpse in my bed! He wanted to leave, I made sure he never would ahahaha!)"**

"Omg i wuld neva b wif u in a million years, ur a terrible person**_(C: But... but... forget it, you fucking bitch!)_**..." i sed wif tears of blood**(R: Why must all the ARGGGHHH!)** pooping**_(C:Oh my gosh, I think I shitted myself while reading this)_** down my pale face.

I waz wearing violet fishnetz wif safety pins**(R: Let me regurgitate...)** in dem and a red corset wif a blakk vest**_(C: My black vest is my favorite clothing article... bitch)_** over it n a pentagram n lots of safety pins nd tight blakk jeanz.**(R: She wears a lot of safety pins...)**

Mikael, Jabob, Bella, n Jessa all gatered around us**_(C: They had an orgy?)_**. Jasp waz so embarassed**_(C: Moother fooker)_**. A lot of da teachers came over n stared at me.**(R: And they didn't stop the orgy?)**

"Twila plz report 2 da principles office." The teachers sed strangly. So i followed dem nd da princple was der

and he sed to me "Im sorri but we r going 2 hav 2 tranfer u to a diff skewl_**.(C: Thank God!)"**_

"OMFG NO." sed loudly. "I CANT DIS IS WER EDWARD GOZ 2 SCHOL**(R: She's going to be transfered to 'The Funny Farm')**."

"Yes," they admited uncomfortly. "But ur causing a realli bad diserbance in da**_(C: YAY! I will have sex with you principal!)_**

school. U c der is somthing... odd abot u**(R: They just noticed?)**.

Nd no1 feelz comfortble wif u here so u hav 2 go 2 dat other school in Waschington, calld Mount Saint Prepz Acadamy**_(C: I'm so having sex with this principal!)_**. "

I culdnt beleve it. I waz nevr gong 2 see ed agen if i went dere.**(R: But you guys are marred!)**

I jumpd out da window**_(C: Please principal, bear my children)_**

n ran home n took out a nife and cut miself.**(R: Suicide scene!)** Der waz blood all ova da floor nd i fell down and started 2 die.**_(C: Principal, I will bear your children...I don't even know if that's possible!)_**

XXXXX 2 BE CONTINUED XXXXXXX**(R: Creature Feature are natives of California!)**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPER 5XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**(R: Erik X lover)**

OK GUYZ SORRI FOR DA CLIPHANGER**_(C: Wait? She's alive?)_**. I WILL UPDATE SOON. REVIEWS THANX


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: ok u noe wat prepz?**(R: This is the first time she called us preps... I'm getting my school ID and schedule today)_(C: Lovely, it's My Immortal all over again)_**

im gong 2 rite mi stori betta so u guyz kan stup complaning abot chatzpeek**(R: That would defeat the entire purpose of trolling_)(C: The day she stops spelling like a moron and starts spelling like a normal person is the day I shall piss through my ass)_**.

SO NOW U WILL HAV NOTHING 2 FLAMM ABOT HA HA**(R: But I enjoyed flaming you!)**.

nd btw stopp tellin me 2 use spellchek, becuz im using notpad nd it dosnt have it ok!**_(C: Then use word...)_(R: That's no excuse. I type all my stories on fanfiction! Yes, they might have a few errors, but nothing as grave as yours)**

midnite fanx for da good reveiws**(R: Midnite is herself)**, n every1 else hu gav me good reveiws, u guyz rokk!**_(C: I know I rock... pet my sideburns.)_** TATA**(R: Now you know why I call her 'Tata' Gillesbie)** GLIESBIE I LUV U**_(C: In the 'Mr. Rx, quit BLEEPING Mr. X at this very second...I'm a partial Curtik fan...)_**! PREPZ STUP FLAMMING!1 GOTHZ ROCK 666**(R: I'm a goth and I find the 666 disturbing)**

CHAPTER 6**(R: 67)**

XXX CONTINUD FROM DA LAST CHAPTER XXX**_(C: According to Tara, men have wombs, so I have the capacity to carry a child in me for nine months... Rxe doesn't because she's a woman)_(R: I'm Curtis' baby mama)**

When I woke up Deward was over me.**(R: Deward LOL)**

"Twilla. TWILA!" he screwed**_(C: I just got a mental image of Deward screwing into her ear. It was absolutely terrifying)_** into my ear.

"Youre going to be ok."**(R: Holy crap... there's sperm in Twila's ear)**

My long strait hair was all around me, I was laying on the flor**_(C: Of course you were)_**.

I was wearing a black spagitti strap shirt with a matching sweatshirt over it nd a blak jean skirt with MCR pins on it**(R: She's not even trying to be original anymore)**. I had on ripped fishnets and blak highheels that had spikes coming out of them**_(C: She's as tall as Snookie! Oh my gosh! I know this sounds mean coming from a 6'4 guy... but she deserves it after I had to read that abomination of Deward screwing in her ear)_**. There were bandagez all over my arms and body were I cut myself**(R: How freaking emo)**. You could c

the blood coming thru.**_(C: And she's a vampOre)_(R: VampORE is short for 'vampire whore')**

"Just fukk off ok**?(R: Yeah, fukk off)"** I said with a sad smile**_(C: Notice she's smiling while she says this)_** and I storted to cry. He tried 2 comfort me. He had his bronz hair in spikes with purple steaks in it and he had on white fondation

on his sexah face**_(C: This morning, my black hair was messy as usual...I don't have any dye on it. I had a light skinned 'SEXAH' face. I was wearing a black shirt that said 'Imma Homicidal Maniac' and sweatpants. Beat that, Twila_)(R: My shoulder length black hair hung in strands around my face. I was wearing a violet top with black lace in the middle. I had on a black skirt with a black belt on. I also had a scarlet choker...beat that).** There were tears raining down from his topaz eyes. "No plese tell me y you did this." He shooted.**(R: Because the principal told her she had to go to 'St. Prepz Academy)**

"I dont want to effing talk abot it ok can you just bakk the fuk off_**!(C: Sheesh, that must hurt)"**_

I was so depressed. I got up off the floor and tried 2 run out the door but Edward

stopped me. "WAIT!" he whimspered.**(R: What the hell does whimspered mean?)**

"There is some1 waiting for you out there, itz not safe**_(C: It's Vince, the gay panda)_**." His voice got all low and hott like a male version of Amy Lee in the begining of Goin Under.**(R: I'm in a band, I've been told I sound a bit like the girl who sings 'Ghost Town' from Shiny Toy Guns... but if someone told me I sounded like Curtis Rx, I would take that as an offense, even if he is a very good singer live and in studio)**

"But I really need too talk to you**(C: Twila's preggant)**."

I begged pleasingly. "Lissen, I cant stay in dis school anymore."

"WE CAN TALK LATER, WATCH OUT, SHEZ ABOUT TO BREAK DOWN THE DOOR_**!(C: OH NOEZ! WHO CANZ IT BEZ? IT'S-SUH ERIK'S-SUH MY-SUH SPACE!)"**_ Suddenly I turned around and the door smashed down. It was .. ... BUFFI THE VAMPIR SLAYER**(R: *FACEPALM, FACEDESK*)**! (a/n fanx for da sugestion! 666 XXX**_(C: But we didn't suggest that)_**)

"Ahahaha, dont even bother," she said meanly.**(R: About what?)_(My roommate Thomas thinks Buffy's hot)_**

"You cant escape from me Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz Sad'ness**(R: My Immortal: Twilight Version)(_(C: You can't escape Curtis Mi'les Jackson... yes, my middle name is Miles... sucks to be me)_**

Cullen."**(R: Now she's a Cullen...)**

But I was to angry to even c her. "You now what Edword, u never pay attencion to me.**(R: Doesn't every stressed out wife tell her husband that?)_(C: Don't ask me... my parents never married... I'm a freaking bastard!)_**

Why dont you just go to Emett, so you guys can screw?**(R: Since when did Emmett come in?)**

Becuz you obviously dont care abot me**_(C: What the hell?)_**."

"NO PLEASE" he got down on his knees with dark tearz of sorrow. "Give me another chance**_(C: If my wife said I wasn't paying attention to her, I would leave and let her rant on and on until she cooled down_)**"

"Do you remebr what I said that nite**(R: Which one?)**."

He lookd at me all confused and sad, and Buffie started 2 take out her sword. "I SED ONE MORE CHANCE AND I MEANT IT NOW YOU CAN JUST GET THE FUKK OUT OF MI LIFE BECAUSE YOU ONLY HURT ME_**.(C: What the hell is happening here?)"**_

I took off da pentargram he had gotten me nd just before I was about to throw it out the window he ran over and hugged me and startd 2 sing "Cruxifiction in Space**_(C: Cruxifiction in Space? What the hell?)_**" by Marlin Manson.**(R: Marylin Manson's a pile of dogshit, his views are really fucked up)**

Dat song was so touching and I had to forgiv him**_(C: If I'm correct, it's a song about a cruxifiction in space, how charming)_**.

"Excus me were were

we?" laughed Buffie da Vampir Slayer looking at us**(R: KILL HER BUFFY!)**. "Look if u dont get out of here, i am gong to post dese pictures of u screwing Angell on the internet!" I shooted. She got scared becaus she didnt want 2 end up like that prep Pares Hilton**(R: *Facedesk*)**.

A lot of other stuff happened nd then Edword went home**_(C: *Wipes the shit off the screen* That's how bad this story is...there's shit on the screen because of it*_**,

we were still marred**(R: But they weren't married)**. But I didnt get 2 talk 2 him abot transferring. I went home n listened to Panic At Da Disko** (R: Time for Music Rants! I really don't give a crap who came first, but lately Panic at the Disco has become Creature Feature wannabes. Their costumes are similar...Creature Feature's band members are Victorian Goths (Actually, I think Erik is more of a Western/Grave Robber type) Now Panic at the Disco is wearing the same funeral suits... one of the guys even did his hair to look a bit like Curtis Rx's (Whenever Curtis cuts his hair, it looks like that, otherwise it's extremely moppy) So there... Panic at the Disco disgraced my favorite band..Thanks a lot, assholes)_(C: She's talking about Curtis Rx, not me)_**

and put on a blak nitegown nd put my hare up in a blakk skull clip**(R: Like Erik X in the Buried Alive music video!)**.

I went 2 take a bathe but when I went to da tub I saw. ... Edard**_(C: Yuck...)_**!

"How did u get in here?"

I asked shockly with anger. "I transported**(R: Welcome to apocalypta)**

n, I have telekinisis**_(C: I have hair)_**." (a/n LIKE VOLXEMORT FROM MY IMMORTAL LOL**(R: LOLZ!)**.)

So we took off our cloths**_(C: Dude, are all teenage girls this horny?)_(R: No, only the trolls)**

nd you guyz can guess what we did**_(C: They had sex...I never saw it coming)_** (yea u pervs get ur mindz out of the glutter.)

The next morning I woke up and I COULDNT BELEVE IT**(R: EDWARD GOT HIS PERIOD!)**.

"OMFG ED WAKE UP RITE NOW." I scremed. He drove over 2 my house**_(C: But weren't you guys just fucking each other?)_** to see what waz wrong.

"IM PREGGANT**.(R: Holy crap_)(C: She will make an excellent mother...not)"_**

I was crying. I started 2 kut my rists over the bandages with a razor.**(R: Babies are a blessing! How can she be so mad?)_(C: My mom never reacted that way when she was pregnant, she loved me until I was born... then she noticed the monster she'd had)_**

Just then da fone rang, it was the principal saying "Twola, ur going to be late for ur first day at Mount Saint Prepz Acadamy**(R: YAY!)**."

"THATZ IT THIS COULDNT BE ANY WORSE_**.(C: You could be me...)"**_

I flew in2 my bed and kept crying nd my pillow turned red nd black with makup and blood.

"YOURE GOING 2 MOUNT SAINT PREPZ ACADAMY?" EDWARD YELLED. "I WAS TRYING TO TELL U THAT LAST NIGHT YOU IDIOTIC AIDS**(R: AIDS is not idiotic. It is a serious disease)**!"

I culdnt take it, my life was absolutely terrible and I had nofing left to live for.**._(C: Not even for that mother fucker you held in your uterus...because Tara said men have wombs)_**

Edword tried 2 calm down and hug me but I punched him away**(R: Sucker Punch reference)**.

"Please itll be ok." He pormised. But I didnt believe it**_(C: You'd better)_**.

I just wanted 2 watch Da Ring nd overdosse with aspirin and pot**(R: Like a normal 16 year old)**.

I storted to sing How Could This Happen 2 Me by smipple plan**_(C: What the hell is Simple Plan?)_**.

Ed weeped and weeped**_(C: Man carrot)_** (a/n if u dont luv sensiteve guyz den fukk off**!(R: I love sensitive guys! Curtis can go to the Neitherworld!)** nd I fell asleep having nitemares abot prepz and babiez**_(C: Babies are absolutely terrifying)_**.

XXXXXXXXXXX END CHAPTER 5 XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**(YAYZ!)**

lol I BET U DINT EXPECT DAT**_(C: No, I didn't. I expected a gay panda to hijack your car)_**

WELL U WILL HAVE 2 WATE ND C WAT HAPPENZ.**(R: *YAWN*)**


	7. Chapter 7

a/n: FLAMMERZ BAK OFF.**(R: *Yawn*)_(C: I don't want too)_**

GOTHZ FANX 4 DA GUD REVIOWS**(R: Does it look like I'm giving you good reviews?)**. sorry dat i tuk so lung 2 updatt!**(R: I wish you would have taken like forever)** ok i waz lissening 2 lenkin park**_(C: My name starts with a 'C'!)_**

nd i storted 2 ovrdose on pot**(R: Yum)**, crak, maryajana**_(C: Maryjane?)_** nd koke. and i had 2 go 2 da hoospital for a week lol.**(R: I'm doing Creature Feature right now. Best freaking drug ever)**

CHAPTER 7**_(C: *Facedesk*)_**

The next day I woke up in the morning and opened my icy topaz**_(C: New product! Icy topaz!)_** eyes. I was covered in blood.**(R: She had a miscarriage.)**

Der was blood all over my bed**_(C: There was a corpse in my bed... a sweet one, too)_**. My rists had started cutting during the night**(R: How can wrists cut themselves?)** while I was having nightmares**_(C: I don't even want to know...)_**.

I moaned smexily**_(C: Thanks for the mental picture, bitch)_** and got in the shower nd all da blood went down the drain all swirly nd stuff**(R: *Facedesk*)**

like in the movie "Pycho**(R: WTF? There's no movie called 'Pycho')**" (geddit lik part of mi name, btw if u dnt lik gorey moves lik dat den FUK OFF**_(C: Psycho isn't even that gorey!)_**!).

I had got sent the unform for fukking Mount Saint Preps Adacemy in the mail

and I put it on suicidally**_(C: I put on my belt suicidally!)_**.

It was prep-pink with purple plaid and the skirt was realli long. I got a knife and cut the skirt and made it really short**(R: Cause she's a whore!)**. I also got a black sharppie and made the whole thing blak.**_(C: Now we know what she takes to get high)_**

I put a bunch of MCR pins on it and sum safety pins**(R: She's in special ed)**. I made a bunch of rips in the shirt where my bobs go and you could see my lazy blak bra**_(C: Bobs? Do girls have that?)_**.

I put up my long strait blak hair in a messy thing**(R: It's called a penis)**

with spikes all shooting out and put on red ishadow**(C: First, the iNettie, then the iLydia, after the iCreatureFeature... now, the iShadow)**

with blak glitter in it**(R: LOLZ)**

When I got 2 school there were a million prepz**_(C: She's making this up)_**

there and I started tu cry gothically**(R: Bwahaha*Insert Edgar Allan Poe qoute here* BWAHWAHWA!)** and give them the middle finger.**_(C: Here's the middle finger!)_**

Plus I remembed that I was pregnant**(R: How can you forget that a child is growing inside your uterus?)** and I screaming and all the stupid preps got scared**_(C: I would be scared too)_** and ran to tell the teachers who all wore pink.**(R:*Facepalm*)** But they were all crowded arond some1 and gasping with orgasm**(R: WTF?)_(C: That is soo wrong in so many ways)_** and bewildedfulness.

I pushed through them giving them all dirty looks and saw who they were staring at. It waz. . ... Edword!**(R: He was sparkling!)**

"OMGOD WTFRU!111 DOING HERE?"**_(C: 1111111)_**

I shooted jumping into hir arms**(R: Aim for the head)**. All the teacherz got scared**_(C: I'm freaking freaked out)_**

and ran away and kept looking at his beauty from the distance**(R: He sparkles OMGZ!)**. "Bby I just couldn't keep going to that skool without you. So I transferred here**_(C: So I transferred over to the 'House of Myth')_**. That skool is just full of prepz now."**(R: Well that's stupid)**

He storted to sing**(R: What, he 'storted'?)** "You Know Whot They Do 2 Guys Like Us In Pirson**_(C: They rape my ass because I'm Jewish.. no seriously, I am)_**" to me and I loved him**(R: NO! THEY CANNOT RAPE YOUR ASS)**. I knew that he would alwez be there for me.

"Byt he way Twi, ur not pregg**(R: How does he know?)**." I couldn't beleive it!**_(C: Me either!)_**

He told me that he had gotten me tested**(R: That's violation right there!)** and I wasn't going to have a baby.

"I'm so glad lol."**_(C: I would be the happiest person alive to have a child)_**

I was crying with joy. We ditched skool and dropped out**(R: She smoked so much coke)**.

We smoked drugs and alcolol outside and the prepz wished they were as cool as us**_(C: Drugs aren't good.)_**. Things were getting back to the good way that they used to be and.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END CHAP**(R: *Facedesk*)**

ok sorri it wuz so shortt**(R: Because she's short?)**, im still in rehab from da incidenx**_(C: I thought they didn't let you use computers in rehab?)_** so i need 2 get better 2 rite more of da good stuff LOL**(R: What?)**

bye**_(R&C: Bye bye!)_**


	8. Chapter 8

a/n: OKSU GUYZ PREPSTOP**(R: Is prepstop even a word?)** FLARMING!**_(C: According to Twila 'flarming' is a word. And I'm the ghost with the most)_**

siruisly if u fink mi grammer iZ BAD**(R: Honey, I don't think. I KNOW.)** DEN FUKK U BITCH**_(C: Which bitch is she referring to? Rxe or me?)_**! DIS TORY IS GONG 2 MAK ME FAMOOSE**(R: It has...)**

SUM DAY ND IT WILL B SOLD IN LIBARIES**_(C: It will be sold in libraries...LOLZ)_** OK SO WNH I AM A MELLONAIR**(R: You're a melon? What kind of melon?)**

U BITCHEZ KAN CUM CLAWRING**_(C: Is 'clawring' even possible?)_** 2 ME ND I WILL SAY FUKK U OK!**(R: That was a long author's note)**

disclainer: btw, TWILIGT does not belung 2 me**(R: I think we assumed it never belonged to you in the first place...)**, it is by serpantie**_(C: Stephenie IS a serpant...)_** millerz, ok she wunt su me now**(R: Stephenie Meyer is a bitch to all her fans...she charges for her autograph_)(C: I don't!)_**.

PLZ ENJOY GOTHEZ**(R: There's a dead fish in my bed :D)**, DANX FOR DA GUD COMMENX. i am out of rebab**_(C: *Facepalm*)_** soo i will b able 2 updat more arugato**(R: Domo arigato, Mr. Robato)**! OH ND fanx 2 Rodriga for helping me wif da spanish!**(R: I'm part Spanish, and I find this offensive)**

U WILL C WHAT I MEAN LOL**_(C: I took five years of Spanish. El perro esta en la casa de usted!)_**

x666x**(R: Tara G. wannabe.**

CHAPTER 8**_(C: Here we go again)_**

"Twila . . . . . . . . . ."

I kicked and whismered in my sleep as da voice got louder and louder. I was sleeping in bed with Edward, but I don't think he heard it because he didn't say he heard it.**_(C: *Facedesk*)_**

Plus he was sleeping.**(R: Thanks for pointing that out :D)**

"TWILA, TILA!" said the voice screamingly.**_(C: Said the voice, creamingly)_**

It sounded like an ugly old man**(R: I'll raise my glass to that!)**, or it sounded like Midnite**_(C: Midnite is an ugly old man? WHAT?)_**.

I wazn't realli sure. I opened my eyes, which were like endless pools of beautiyful topaz**(R: Uhhh...)**.

I looked around in the dark, but since I was a vampir I could see in the dark (a/n vampirs can see in the dark**_(C: No freaking der)_**).

I saw Ed next to me. His bornze hair was messy and sexah nd his pale skin glowed in the dark**(R: He's like my living dead doll, Gabriella the Ghoul_!)(C: That's exactly what I thought when I first saw that)_**.

He was silently singing "Da Hell Song**(R: That's a song_?)(C: " He can't listen to 'The Hell Song". It'll kill him!"- Tenebre, page 45 by Autumn Casquette.)_**" by sum-42**(R: Do these bands even exist?)_(C: They're like high bands... like 'Infected Mushroom')_** in his sleep.**(R: I was singing 'Corpse in My Bed' last night and Nettie got scaref. TEAM CURTIS FOR LIFE!)_(C: She means the RX dude, not me)_**

"Hoes there?"**(R: The ho is)**

I crapped poisonally.**(R: LOLZ LOLZ LOLZ LOLZ!)_(C: I believe all crap is poison if consumed)_**

My long black hair whipped around me**_(C: I whip ma hair back and forth)_** as I turned back and forth**(R: It's an omen! THE OMEN! DAMIEN THORN! *Gets shot*)** at da speed of light**_(C: Imma twenty first centuray boi! I spelled that wrong on purpose!)_**.

I didn't c**(R: C is for Curt, Chelsea, Caite, Catherine...Caleb, Craig...)** anyone there so I was fukking confused**_(C: Of course she was)_**.

I had on a silver nitegown**(R: This is funny)** with black linning, and blak lace all around da boobs**_(C: da boobs?)_**. I was wearing blak stilettos**(R: She's only 4'1)**

nd had on tons of eyeliner that I had made cat eyes out of**_(C: Like Avril Lagvigne!)_**.

Then the voice contunued to shout,

"Cum to me Tila Beautifu Psyco Topaz Cullen. OPEN UR EYES

TILA TEQUALA**(R: TILA TEQUILA! YAYZ!)** FOR IT IS ME!"

"WHAT?"! I shooted**_(C: With what did you shoot? I must know...)_**. "OK STOP FUKING AROND, WHO DA HELL IS ME**?(R: TILA TEQUILA!)"**

Then I looked next to my bed and saw hu was standing ther**_(C: It was Dumlydore!)_**!

It was. .. ... A MAN**(R: That's sexist. It should've been a woman)**!

"What r u doing u effing pervert." I giggled foriously**_(C: How the f*ck do you giggle furiously? I must know!)_**.

"U now dat izn ot aportionate to b in a toung girlz rom**?(R: WHUT?)"**

"Hahahaa. Si,**_(C: El senor)_**

but I c dat you are lovers wif mi enemios**(R: Emenios? Does she mean enemonies?)**."

He said in Spanish**_(C: Because enemios is a Spanish word)_**.

Suddenly Ed woke up and growled all ruff nd tuff**(R: Rufus Rex)**. He shined his gloriosus teeth in the mans face nd he was temporerily blinded for life.

_**(C: DEAR GOD MAN! YOU ARE ONLY BLINDED FOR THE REST OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!)**_

"MY EYES!" the ugly man shotted. So I was right, it was an ugly man**(R: YAYZ!)**.

I got out of bed seducingly taking off my cloths.

Edmard gasped all angry and sensative (a/n lol jealous hot bi guyz r so great) becauz I was getting naked in front of a strangler**_(C: But he didn't strangle you...)_**. A lot of other stuff happened**(R: It's not that important)** and den we found out that da mans name was James but becuz he is Spanish they call him like HAmez**_(C: Since I'm Spanish, they call me 'Cuurttiiisss')_**.

We found this out because I bribed him wif my body**(R: Whore)**


	9. Chapter 9

a/n: OMG SOZ I TOOK SO LUNG 2 UPDATE.**_(C: I didn't mind at all. I enjoyed that you didn't update)_(R: I got a manicure while waiting for you to update)**

i kant realli say why but if u want tu know den msg me_**(C: She got an abortion because she ended up pregnant with Edward's baby!)**_ nd i'll tell u dat i had an emegency nd almost died from sallowing 5 bottles of aspirin**(R: I hope you're lying)_(C: She swallowed five BOTTLES?)_** lol.

LOL GUEZZ WHAT**_(C: You almost died, amazing_)(R: WHAT?)**,

TU ALL OF U PPL WHO SAY DAT IM DUMB**_(C: We're simply stating a fact, dear)_**, MI PSYCOLGY TEACHER**(R: Wow, she has a therapist... never saw that one coming)**

TOLD ME 2 IGNORE U**_(C: I am. I'm still wondering what the fuck 'E.T' was doing in the related videos to 'Grave Robbers at Large')_(R: Curtis looks like Abraham Lincoln in that drawing)**

becuz ur just playing mind gamez**_(C: *Examining hand* Do you even know what a mindgame is?)_** 2 tri to make me fell bad abot miself**(R: Your psychology teacher is a moron)**.

i am not da losser in dis situaton**_(C: Yes, you are, dear)_**!

neway**(R: Neway?)** PREEPS STOP FLAMONG**_(C: Did you tell your therapist that you kept calling us 'preeps'?)_**, gothz tanx for da good stuff, MCR ROX**(R: Actually, MCR doesn't really rock. They're good, but they don't rock)**!11**_(C: Since when is '11' a Satanic number?)_** 666

CHAPTER 9

Recap from Chapta 8: "I want to kill Bella becuz ..."**_(C: Because she's a total Mary-Sue)_**

"We kan help u wif dat." I said sexily.**(R: She gave her body to Hamez. But she's not a slut cause Hamez is Mexican and carries very little weight)_(C: That's fucked up)_**  
>"Muy bean<strong>(R: Beans make people gassy... unless they're soy)<strong>." (C IS DAT SPELLED WRUNG**_(C: Yes)_**.)

"I'll c u at dawn**(R: Dawn's like my fifth favorite living dead doll!)**"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**_(C: Someone likes sex a lot)_(R: Twila is just sexually depraved)**

When I woke up again that morning I was ready to kill Bella**(R: No. Duh)**. It was dawn**_(C: But I thought it was morning!)_**

and Hamez**(R: Carlose and Hamez. Twila has a thing for Mexican guys... I'm not trying to be racist)** had packed all of da supplies for killing**_(C: Why do you need supplies if you can kill her with your bare hands?_**. Eddie woke up and opened his eyez**(R: I thought vampires couldn't sleep)**

which were the same as mine**_(C: They were topaz...)_**. We put on our makeup**(R: He's a macho, macho man)_(C: LOLZ)_**

(he had on white foundation, black eyeliner, and dis fake blood stuff that goes on ur face**(R: She means the halloween blood makeup)**. i had on purple eyeshadow, lots of blakk, and drak lipstick**_(C: Drak lipstick? You mean like the drakon?)_**.)

Hamez tried to watch us get dressed**(R: He wanted to see how big- never mind)** but I told him that if he didn't fuck off I wouldn't help him kill that little bytch**_(C: B'y'tch. Like from 'House of Night')_**.

So I didn't go 2 school but the preppy prinzipal**(R: I just got an image of a fat, bald man with a pink 'Abercrombie' shirt)_(C: I just gave birth to the principal's children through my ass)_** was too scared to call nd ask why.**(R: I feel sorry for the principal)**

Ed didn't go eiver**_(C: Bon eiver?)_**.

I suddenly remebered Midnite**(R: The old man, Midnite. Her last name is 'Sindicat')**

and knew she would want 2 be involved too but she was on her honeymoon with Jaspa**_(C: 'Jasper' was changed to 'Jaspa' that rhymes with 'gangsta')_** who I had told to love her or else I waz never gong to talk to him agen**(R: What a great threat. I cower at its sight)**.

While we were leaving secretely**(R: Because in the clothes you're in, no one will no who you are)_(C: I just watched Final Destination 5. That shit sucked)_**

to Bella's house, I got sad becuase Ed and I didn't have a honeymoon**_(C: Tough shit. My parents never had one either)_**. I started to cut my rists a little on da way**(R: How the hell do you cut your wrists while you were walking?)** there and I saw dat Ed looked worried.**_(C: I would be worried to if I saw my wife cutting herself)_(R: Curtis won't have to worry about that. He's gonna get married to a corpse)_(C: You're the one who lives with Nettie 'NECROPHILIA')_**

When we got there Hamez borke**(R: He 'borke')** into the house and we went upstares to Bella's room.**(R: And no one noticed)**

The whole thing was pink**_(C: Since when is Bella a prep?)_** nd it reminded me of Roslyn's room**(R: Since when is Rosalie a prep?)**. I storted 2 cry all hot**_(C: How the fuck do you cry all 'hot'? Especially if you're a corpse)_** and angsty because that's where I had caught her with my husband.**(R: Awww... poow wittle baby!)**

I cut my rists some more but Hamez said "Shhh, we can't let her no we are at her casa**_(C: CASA? Don't you mean fucking house?)_**."

She was sleeping all preppy**_(C: *Sleeping gothically* And then the raven shouted nevermore!)_(R: And you call yourself a goff, Curt)**

nd there were posters of Ed**(R: LOLZ. Edward's pretty ugly)_(C: She also had posters of me! With my muscles hanging out!)_** on her walls.

I ran over and tore them down wif my long, black nails**(R: wow)**. She was dreaming abot Ed**_(C: Thanks for telling us that, Twila)_**

and he started to get angry becuz he hated her**(R: I have been to places that you have only seen in dreams. But maybe they were nightmares of worlds in between)**. "Ok are u ready?" Hamez

whimpered**_(C: He whimpered)_**. "Here Tila you can take this sword**(R: Why is he calling her TILA_?)(C: Because he loves Tila Tequila)_**.

Eddie**(R: Hamez called Edword Eddie...like Eddie Munster)** kan have the needle, itz full of cyanide**(R: HI COURTNEY CYANIDE_!)(C: She spelled cyanide right, that's a fucking miracle)_**." Well I was sad becuz I had alwez wanted to inject myself**_(C: I hate shots. They scare the shit outta me)_** but I didn't say neithing because I knew they wuldnt understend.**(R: I don't understand either)**

I storted to cry tears of blood**(R: F is for Frank!)** and Ed gasped and started crying also with me.**_(C: Reminds me of the song by Annoying Vegan Group 'Two Lovers in Tears')_**

"Don't tell me . . . . ." he screamed**(R: Why?)**

wif depths of depression and pain**_(C: This makes me feel more depressed than the actual 'Twilight')_** in his voice. "Dat ur SAD shes going 2 die**(R: I never liked Bella, but killing her for no reason makes no sense and seems kind of pointless)**?" "No you fukking retard**(R: TEEHEE)**. I'm sad because there are so many things dat I want in life but evry1 only cares about my bodi_**!(C: I don't understand what's up with trolls and making men over the age of 17 perverts)"**_

"It's not ur fault that u'r beautiful**(R: You're not beautiful, Twila!)**." He cried sexily hugging me.**_(C: Curtik manhug)_(R: AHHH! CURTIK!)**

Hamez got scared becuz we were being loud**(R: I would be scared to)** but Beela didn't wak up**_(C: Even though you guys were crying like dumbasses?)_**.

Suddenly we killed her**(R: With what? Cyanide?)**.

"Thank satan**_(C: *Facedesk*)_** she's gone." we all said in unicorn**(R: So they speak unicorn now_)(C: Unicorns are beautiful)_**.

Her body disintergrated into her bed which was all wet with blood**(R: Someone got their period early_)(C: Thanks for the visual)._** We ate her bed**(R: How the fuck do you eat a bed?)**

so there would be no evidenze**_(C: GEESH. You guys are such GENIUSES! I wanna be just like you when I grow up!)_** (lol geddit like evinezenze**(R: I need a medicine. Geddit? Like Curtis, get me my fucking medicine right now)**.)

And left before her mom could wake up.**(R: Remember kids, her mom lives in Arizona and they're in Washington!)**

When we got to da door there was someone blocking it suicidally**_(C: You block suicidally the way Erik X does it *Crying his eyes out*)_**.

"CARLIZ**(R: That's Carlose's American brother)**?" we all scremed at once.**_(C: *FACEDESK*)_**

"Yes I can't take it anemore." he said breathing all crazy**(R: He has a pregnant bitch...)**. He was looking at me!**_(C: OH NOZ! HE LIKES TILA TEQUILA!)_**

Edward put his hand around me like protection**(R: You mean like birth control_?)(C: I wonder what would happen if I took birth control)_**.

"Why are u here dad?**(R: Umm...)_(C: I stole Erik X's glasses. Now he can't see without them)_**

GET OUT." His eyes started 2 rage**(R: WHUT?)**.

"I'm here to take Tqila**_(C: I told you! I told you so!)_**.

I am gong to make her my bride**(R: What? This is weird... BessXMcIntyre shippers would love this_)(C: I'm a BenjaminXMcIntyre shipper)_**. And we will live in da darkness**(R: Nox Arcana: Brides to Darkness)** forevamore**_(C: NO! IT'S NEVERMORE!)_** hahaha!"

he laughed evilly in a gothic voice**(R: Kinda like Curtis Rx when he's drunk... kinda like me when I'm on a natural high)** that I suddenly realized was sexy. Then I sterted to think**_(C: FINALLY! WE WAITED NINE FUCKING CHAPTERS FOR THIS!)_**.

"Wait now." I kommanded when Ed was about to kill Calile. DARKNEZZ FOREVERMORE**(R: Nox Arcana reference again)**?

I thought beginning to have a mind change**_(C: She was going to get a mind change? I'll be your grave robber. I'll make sure to get a person who actually thought while they were living)_**.

"Mebe that would be good for me you know?**(R: No, I don't know)** Because I need a vampir who can kepp me gothikally satisfied**_(C: How do you keep someone sexually satisfied 'gothically'?)_(R: WHUT?)** nd stuff."

EDWARD WAS HEARTBORKEN.**_(C: I would be too)_(R: Poor wittle baby)**

He satired**(R: I think she means 'shitted in his little boy pants')**

to scream at the top of his lungs**_(C: !)_**

as black venemoos blood poured out of him**(R: Reminds me of House of Night_)(C: Yuck)_**. When a vampere gets ejected**_(C: I really hope she didn't mean 'ejaculate')_(R: She meant 'rejected', you fucking sicko.)** by da person that they truly love, there body storts to spazz all explosing like.**_(C: She sounds like my step dad... I hate you!)_**

I was misterious so I didn't let you know what was gong on in my thoughts lol**(R: You have no thoughts, honey)**.

"Yeh dat sounds like a plain**(R: Since when did a plain come into this conversation?)**." I said sullenly**_(C: SullenToys is cool, but they're expensive.)_** joyfully**(R: How do you sound sullenly joyful?)**

to Carlise.**(R: Carlise is Carlose's English brother)**

He was surmised that someone like me would want to be with him**(R: Um... I'm not_)(C: You are a two dollar whore, so nothing surprises me...)_**. Everyone in the room screamed in surprise**_(C: Except Curtis, he was devouring 'A Tale of Two Cities'. I start school tomorrow... life sucks)_**. "Plz plz just tell me what I did to make you want do leave me." said Ed having an ellipictic sezre**(R: I don't think it's possible to talk normally while having a seizure)_(C: Remember, Edward had a 'sezre')_**

on the floor.

But I didn't say anything still even though he was crying all too sensitive.**(R: Good Rufus Rex! Get him to a damn hospital)**

"Ok." I finally gasped at Hamez. "Please just go along wif this. You'll see da true intestions of my plan soon**_(C: She's gonna fuck him for all his- never mind)_**."

And I made him take Ed away. And then I went with Carl who was like "I'm so glad that u've made such a good choice," cackling all satanikally**(R: HAHAHA)**. We went 2 his house (STFU WE DIDNT EVEN DO ANTHING YET U FREAKIN PERVS_**.(C: But I'm eighteen... I'm not a perv, I'm a necromancer!)**_

And I knew what I had to do.**(R: So she fucked him)**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END CHAPP 9 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


	10. Chapter 10

a/n: ok guyz, i no u hav all binwaden**(R: I hope that's not a terrorist joke)_(C: Osama binwaden)_** 4 mi updats butt**_(C: Ass)_** i waz on tour wif FALLOUTBOYY**(R: Keep in mind she calls them 'Fagg ott Boy' later)**

**.**becuz dey red mi story**(R: THEY DID?)** nd invited me 2 come wif them**_(C: It was just a dream she had... not real)_** nd it wa relly kool!111**_(C: 111... :D)_**

YAH B JELOOZ**(R: Jelooz: Give your kids a toothpaste they want!)**! OK MCR**(CF, RR)** AND FLLOUTBOYS ROCK! 666!**_(C: Creature Feature made 666 shirts once...they still have some left)_**

CHAPTER 10**(R: Here we go again)**

"So kan u plez tell me for why u decided 2 grace me**(R: GRACE ME? What the fuck are you talking about?)** with ur presenze**_(C: Please kill me)_**." said Carli**(R: iCarly reference)** smiling.

I noticed how sexah**_(C: Sexah man!)_** he looked wif his violet contacts in**(R: I knew Carlisle's eye color wasn't natural!)**. He loked like an older, hotter vision of Edward**(R: Curtis Rx looks like a hotter, younger version of Wolverine!)_(C: Can you quit it with Curt?)_**

and Pete Wints**(R: Who's Pete Wints?)**. He was werring blak eyelinear that was gong down his face from da last time he cryed.**(R: BWHAWAHAHWA!)_(C: I need to defecate in the restroom for there is feces in my bottom)_**

"Ur son has taken advantege of me to many times**.(R: Wait? Edward is TWILA'S son? WTF?)"**

I growled staring at him all gothik**_(C: How to stare gothically- Stare with menacing eyes_)(R: I'm friends with Curtis Rx on facebook!)**. Soddenly my vision when blak nd all I could c was blakness**_(C: Really? I thought you could only see pink when your vision went black)_**.

i screAMED**(R: AHHHAHHH! Imagine a soprano screaming... I'm a 2nd soprano!)** AND SCREMED**_(C: I don't even wanna know what 'scremed' means... on da bright side... I haz no muttonchops no morez!)_** becauz idid nt know what was happiening.**(R: Ughh... because your vision went back... and Curtis Jackson has no muttonchops anymore!)**

Then I saw a vision of da antikrist**(R: Thanks for ruining 'The Omen' for me...asswipe)** nd i laughed dark and suicidally**_(C: HahahaI wanna die in darkness! Haha!)_**.

"Twila, I just read youre mind." shouted Calisi.**(R: Oh my gosh? What the fuck- Wait, a minute... Twila has no mind!)_(C: True dat)_**

No i said "becuse I just saw da anticirst**(R: Who the fuck is da anticirst?)**?"

"Yes, my tru form is Satan**_(C: Carlisle said he believed in God_)(R: Remember, Carlisi isn't Carlisle)**." He describd.

"Dat was me gonig into your thoghts and I saw the tru reazon why u came here with me."**(R: Because she lusts after your body)_(C: I'm selling my muttonchop shavings on eBay!)_(R: Shut the fuck up, Curtis)**

"Let me just tell u." I said sobbing becuz he had figered me**(R: Did she just say FINGERED?)** out. "I kame here becuz... . . . _**..(C: Because...)"**_

"Because you wanted to make Edwat jealos**_(C: Twila deserves an award for the worst spelling_)(R: Curt, there is NO award for that)**." He said and I storted**_(C: I think she meant snorted)_** to cry. "How did u know?" I asked all deprezzed.**(R: How do you ask all depressed? Do you have a motone voice while asking?)**

He sed, "Becauz i just rad your mind**_(C: Raiding a person's mind is violating someone's privacy_)(R: I'm writing a 'Highwayman' fic!)**"

Then all suddenly somebody knocked on Carlo's**(R: YAY! Carlo's is back!)** door.**(R: It was... Voldemort!)**

He lokked**(R: I'm Felicity Lockely!)_(C: Who the fuck is Felicity Lockley?)_** at me sadly nd opened da door and some gurl I didn't know jumped in.**(R: My name is Rxe, you know)_(C: I'm not a girl *Pulls down pants*)_**

"What is dis. Why r u here?" we both asked the girl**(R: I'm your troller_)(C: *Still has pants down*)_**. She was realli ugly and twolve yerz old**_(C: Twila, hon, I'm eighteen. I'm old enough to get a tattoo and in some places drink booze)_** nd was wearing a pink Kelly Klorkson shirt**(R: Kelly Clarkson's actually a really good singer! You bitch, you're just jealous because the choir teacher didn't accept you into choir!)** nd had frizzie blond hair nd an ugly face.**_(C: Why are blondes always ugly in this story?)_(R: Nettie Necrophilia is a blonde and she's the cutest damn thing I've ever seen in my entire freaking life)**

"HAI GUYS MI NAME IS FIONA**_(C: Fiona? As in Fiona from ASoUE_?)(R: Fiona's a fucking brunette! And don't diss Lemony Snicket!)**!" she scremed giggling**(R: How do you scream and giggle at the same time?)_(C: We watched 'Zombie' yesterday and I just imagine the boobies chick giggling while she's getting her guts ripped out)_** nd walked into the house

but Carlisa**(R: Carlisle has a twin sister!)** pushed her back out. "But u kan call me FIONAFIONA32."**_(C: Why the '32'?)_**

"Ew get da fukk out of here!" I shooted**(R: Aim for the head)**. "OMGZ**_(C: Oh my sideburns, wait, I don't have any!)_** ur such a prep." Me and Calri

were both disgosted nd suddenly Edwoard appeared and bit her neck nd she stated to screm and bleed.**(R: I watched the remake of 'Fright Night' and this instantly came into my mind while I was watching it)_(C: LOLZ)_**

I was sobbing becuz bleeding waz my gratest desire**(R: I thought sick pleasures was)_(C: Sick Pleasures is a good band name...)_**

but my doktor sed if i cut miself anymroe I would die**(R: But you're a vampire! You can't die!)**

nd Edard would be sad.**_(C: But Edard has Bella)_**

Anyway, Fona**(R: She can't even spell 'Fiona')_(C: *Pulls pants back up*)_** died on the flor and her body shirveled up and rotted away.**_(C: A Gorey Demise reference much?)_**

Edward came in and got in a stand-off wiv his dad**(R: Dude, I would rather watch a Western Shoot-Off)**.

"Plz plz stop." I said still crying. They were both killing each other nd their makup waz running down the faces.**_(C: Maybe they're born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline)_**

"I'm soz Ed. I didn't mean 2 hurt you I just wanted you to be jealuz. I doon't want to be with ur dad, kan u please take me home."**(R: *YAWN*)**

Edward was so relived but Carlise was crying angrily and he storted to transform**_(C: So Carlisle is a shapeshifter? Hey, anyone here watch Wolverine_?)**.

"NO!11**(R: NO!#11)**" he yelled. "Nobody kan reject Satan. DO U HEAR ME TILA, I AM STAN**_(C: From South Park? OMGZ!)_**!1"

"Yah I know." I said roling my eyez.**(R: So I guess she is a Stanist, not a Satanist...STAN! I'm still a Kennyist)**

But he kame running at me and I kicked him and he feel over moaning**_(C: You hit him in the junk, didn't you?)_**.

Me and Ed left him there and walked out helding handz while "Thnx fr da MEMRS**(R: There's not such song as 'Thnk fr da MEMRS'...K' honey?)**" played in the bakkground

(a/n FAGG OT**_(C: Hahahahahahaha!)_** BOY FUKKING ROKKS!1**(R: Fall Out Boy's an ok band, but Faggot Boy is AWESOME!)_(C: hahahahaha)_**

IF U DUNT LIK DEM THEN GO KILL URSELF FUKK U! FALLOT BOY 4EVA**(R: R is for Rxe who rotted in jail_)(C is for Curt with disease of the brain)_**). I had an invasion**(R: Of the body snatchers)** in my head sudenly while we where walking of da Antikrist saying "This is not over Twila,

this weil never be over. Bitch" But I blooked it out becuz I knew I was stronger dan him.**_(C: You did not just diss Damien Thorn! BITCH!)_**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END CHAP10 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**(R: YAYZ!)**


	11. Chapter 11

**_A/N: WE ARE BACK! Yeah, we're really busy with composing a song and right now's the only time we can update! Yay for tight, fucking schedules!-_**

**_Curtis and Rxe_**

a/n: HAM EVRY1**(R: WHERE?)_(C: I'm a Vegan...)_**

ITZ BEEN 4EVAR!1**(R: Yeah, I've been waiting for my ham for 4EVAR!1)**

my mom trid to make me wear a drezz**_(C: Girls in dresses look decent and not like whores...*Cough* Twila*Cough*)_(R: It depends, Curtsy, darling)**

n i had a tanttrum n brok da computer**_(C: If I ever broke my mom's computer, she would beat the living shit outta me)_** n slit muh ritz. but no we got a new one lolz?**(R: Not funny!)**

neway TONX FOR DA REVEWS WHILE I WAZ GONE, FUKK ALL U PREPS WHO HATE MI STORI**_(C: I'm a prep? Where the fuck is that stupid sweater vest that my imaginary friend, Gaylord, gave me_?)(R: I'm not a prep, you're a poseur!)**! I SWERE ILL GET SATAN TO KILL U IN UR SLEEP**_(C: Was this girl pregnant when she wrote this story?)_(R: That's an insult to pregnant women everywhere!)_(C: Um... kay?)_**

U FUKKING POZERS! 666 XXX MCR STILL ROX**_(C: I find Rufus Rex much, much better_)(R: He sounds like a damn gypsy in 'From Dust Returned a Titan')**!11 XXX**_(C: Someone's horny...)_**

CHAPTER 11**(R: One more chapter after this! YAY!)**

The next day I was walking 2 Hot Tonic**_(C: Hot TONIC? What the hell?)_**

wif Edward. When suddenly out of nowhere Hamez appered out of da blue**(R: The body snatchers are here_)(C: *Spits out water*)_**.

"Hi," we said gothically**_(C: 'Gothically'? Is that even fucking possible_?)(R: So now Goth is a language? You Curt, hereqoofdferff_)(C: WHUT?)_**. But he looked very angery for some raisin**_(C: I like raisins. I stocked up on them this week)_**.

"Would you mind if I killed you**,(R: I'm too young to die! I'm only nineteen_!)(C: I'm only thirty five JK! I'm nineteen)"_**

he storted to sing from dat song by Withen Temptortion.**(R: I don't think 'Within Temptortion' is an actual band')_(C: No, it's not)_** "OMG STOP!111**_(C: 111111)_**"

Edward screamed jumping in front of me**(R: Why did he jump in front of you_?)(C: 'Suddenly, Killjoy pushed Erik into the mud, and proclaiming he was Erik's 'savior'"- The Marvelous MISadventures of Emo Erik!)_**. I was so confuzed becuz I did nut know what was going on.**(R: Me either)** Then I realized Hamez was trying to kill us**_(C: With a song? I only thought Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black, and shitty pop music could do that)_**.

"Why would u do such a thing you- you sick dirtbag**!(R: What did he do?)"** I cried wearing a long black satan**_(C: That is just so disturbing in so many ways)_**

skirt wif black leather boots and a ripped fishnet ponchu**(R: Don't forget the taco!)**

over a black velvet bra with red skullz**_(C: Believe it or not, I hate girls who were lingere in public, they're such whores.)_**. Mi makup was ruining down my pale pale face. BECUZ I WAS WEEPIGN.**_(C: NO! She stole that 'From Dust Returned a Titan'! WHORE!)_(R: How do you 'weepign')**

"Now that Bellar is dead I don't ned your help**_(C: Hang the whore! Hang the whore!)_**."

Hamez said as he also sobbed. "I don't want 2 do this but I have to. I'm afroid that . . . . . . . . . . . ."

"I DARE U TO FINNISH THAT SENTENCE**(R: Oh, she dared you Hamez_!)(C: Dear gosh, this is the dumbest piece of 'literature' I've ever read)_**."

Edmond**(R:So now this is a Narnia fanfiction?)_(C:Next up: 'Klaus turned Violet into a bat.')_** muttered at the top of his lungz**(R: Don't you mean 'screamed'?)**. He turned into a bat**_(C: Like Desmodus!)_**

and flew at Hamez but Victor**(Oh my gosh! Victor is Curtis Rx's drummer!)_(C: I also want a quesadilla)_** leaped in front of him.

"Who are you?"**(R: YOU DON'T KNOW WHO VICTOR IS?)_(C: Oh my gosh...)_**

we all screamed exempt Hamez becuz she was his gf**(R: Hamez is gay_?)(C: Si? Oh no!)_**.

She had jumped out of da trees.**(R: *Facedesk*)**

Then we decided 2 make up because we had no reason to fight**_(C: She mastered Stephenie Meyer's 'build up to a climax which means nothing'...)_** (A/N maybe later u will find out what hamez was goona say be4 lolol.)**(R: He was going to call Erik X a 'drunk Mexican' right?)**

Vikroya was wearing a realli sexah outfit**_(C: She stole 'sexah' from me! I invented that!)_** and Edward saw me looking at her and got realli jealouuz**(R: Yeah!)**.

He storted 2 make out wif Hamez to get bakk at me.**_(C: Man carrot weekend!)_**

"Oh no WHAT HAVE U DONE, OMG YOU FREAKING ARSE**(R: So Victor's British?)**." Vikky shooted at my busband. "You just entered da pakt with Hamez**_(C: In a world where everyone is forced to be a blonde, there lives a secret organization of brunettes. Will Erik ever get his tequila? Will Justin Bieber admit he has a girlie thing, will Curtis express his love to Erik? The Pakt, coming soon)_**."

That was when we found out dat whenever someone kissez Hamez they get binded to him for da rest of eternity**(R: What the hell? Does that mean if I kiss some Mexican dude I get binded for life?)**. "WTF that's so random."**_(C: That was the first correct thing Twila said)_**

I laffed satanically. Edward looked realli scarered but I just said "It's okay, I like bi guyz so you can be with him too**.(R: It's ok, Ricki, you can give Thomas all the blow jobs you want_!)(C: *Twitches*)"_**

Vikky disappered becuz she was mad that Edward stole her boyfreend. Then me, Edward and Hamez had to preform a special marriage cermoney**(R: Let's get Nettie and perform a magic necrophilia marriage ceremony!)_(C: Will this involve sex?)_**

for the 3 of us to all be together.

We all wore lots of black.**(R: Let's go to Hot Tonic!)**

"That is all." said Hamez looking at me flirty. "Now we have 2 seal the pact by dranking sum blood**(R: Blood, blood, give them blood!)**."

We all had an orgay**_(C: Oh gosh, no!)_** nd went out to hunt. We found a whorewolf**(R: Whorewolf! LOLZ)_(C: I hope that wasn't a typo)_**

und were about 2 kill it when I relized it was Jakob. He changed back into a person and I gasped. His long blak hair had purple and silver streakz in it, his skin was ten shads lighter, and he was wering an Alezana**(R: What the hell is Alezana?)** tshirt wif tight blak pantz.**_(C: He's emo!)_**

"Omg Jake, um." I said shy and sexy. "Hi u look realli good?"**(R: I do?)_(C: I know I am, thank you)_**

"Thanx i got a new style" he said and looked at all of us. "Since you killed my dad I got real hordcore. Hey guyz can I join ur pakt**(R: LOLZ_)(C: Hahaha!)_**."

We had a sekret goffic huddle**_(C&R: *Secretly goth huddle*)_**

nd thout about it but they got angry and said no. Jakob storted to cry becuz we had killed his dad and now we owed him. But Vikatora

rolled her eyez, "Yea thatz karma" she pissed.**(R: She pissed karma? LOLZ)**

But then he turned back in2 a wolf and tried to attack us. I turned into a bat and flew out of tha way but Hamez waz too slow.**_(C: RACIST? Why U kill Mexicano?)_**

I screamed suicidally as Jakabob was about to tear apart Hamz**(R: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRHHHHH)**

who suddenly shooted "IF I DIE THEN U ALL DIE, REMEMBER DA PAKT WE ARE TOGETHER 4 EVER**(R: Jakob, please kill Hamez!)**."

We were all horrorfied at dis.**_(C: Seriously, not me)_**

So we had to save him but we got all cut up but Edward said "Its okay Twi, you look exy with blood on you."**(R: Of course, of course...)**

So we ran away and Jake got lost in the woods.

XXXXXXXXXXXX FIN CHAPTER 11 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**_(C: Just one more chapter! YAY)_**


	12. Chapter 12

**R&C: Last chapter! YAY!**

a/n: ok r u redy 4 more?**(R: Hell yeah!)_(C: Kill me...like a boss)_**

becuz sum certain bitch prepz were comploining i got more editars ok!1**(R: I don't believe you)**

GET OVER IT! dansk 2 everyon hu lieks it! kep reding LOL

GOFFS RULE FOREVER.**_(C: Dear sweet Mr. Johnson, does this girl even know that she's a fucking posuer?)_(R: No)**

CHAPTER 12

Four days past and I relized that I didn't love Edwart anymore.**(R: YES! GET OUTTA THAT SHITTY RELATIONSHIP!)**

I couldn't beleve it miself.**_(C: I could)_**

I woke up in da morning wif black tearz of deep sorrowfull endless**(R: No, just no...)** evol depression all crying down mah face.**_(C: No darling, that was just semen and sperm)_**

I put on some Metalika**(R: I'm gonna beat your ass up. Metallica is AWESOME, you are not allowed to listen to them)** musik nd cut rist.

"Twila are u in there**?(R: You know what they do to chicks like us in jail.)"** someone whimpered from outside my room. I gasped. It sounded like Ed.**(R: Or an ugly old man)_(C: Same thing)_**

But I just turned up the song and sang allong 2 it, screming "HOLD MI BREATH AS I WISH 4 DETH, OH PLEASE SATAN, WAKE ME**_(C: Is this even a real song?)_**" (a/n arent dose lyricz so menengful.)**(R: If you're high on crack they are)**

"OH FUKKIN SATAN NO WHAT R U DOING IN THAR!1111" Edward exploded crying becaus he knew what this meant. He knew that I didn't want to c him because I had fallen out of love.**(R: Just like Bess and Benjamin)_(C: Why Benjamin?)_**

"Darkness imprizoning me**(R: Edgar Allan Poesur)**," I wept sadly. "All that I see- absulote HORROR I KANNOT LIVE- I KANNOT DIE!"**_(C: What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?)_(R: That she likes having sex with cows?)**

Sullenly**(R: WOOT! SULLEN TOYS!)** the door broke down**_(C: Is this some kind of 'goff' joke?)_**

and a bunch of people kame in. It waz all da Cullens who were still alive n Jake (he had found hiz way out of da woods). They all storted to pin my hot body**(R: Oh, gosh, it's Rocky Horror Picture Show all over again!)_(C: A good old fashioned orgy!)_**

down so I could nut move.**(R: Um...)**

"WTF ARE YOU DOING ASSHOLES." I shrieked**_(C: They are going to sex you!)_**. My rists were bleding everywhere.**(R: YAY FOR BLOOD!)**

"NOW THE WORLD IS GONE ND I'M JUST ONE, OH SATAN HELP ME**.(R: Seriously, what the fuck?)"**

They turned off da musik nd I fainted. "You can't do this Twi." They looked all serious.**_(C: Serious about WHAT?)_**

"We all entered da pakt by making out wif Hamez**(R: Da Pakt... NOW PLAYING)**."

They said nodding. I gasped again._**.(C: What a huge surprise)**_

"And Twila, u can't deny ur felines**(R: Yeah, seriously, those kitties are hungry)_(C: Me-uh-fow?)_** for Ed**(R: Every time you read 'Twilight', Curtis kills a kitten)**."

"Remember the pakt is that if you die, we all die**(R: This has got to be the dumbest shit ever_)(C: Sure, sure, sure. Will I die, too?)_**."

I woke up and asked "Yeah. But isn't the pakt just me Ed Hamez and Victory. What's gong on?"

"I know lol," I promised.**(R: What? MPD, much?)_(C: Dude, do not imitate Sybil. Sybil is the OG of MPD)_**

"I fink it was just a fase I just went thru."**(R: Yeah, much like your stupid poseur phase)**

But then Carloyle_**.(C: He's a 'gargoyle'!)**_

stepped forward looking at me all weird. "Nu," he laughed darkly. "I told u it wasn't over**(R: NOOOOOOO!)_(C: There's more of this shit!)_** Twila Beautiful Psycho Topaz Sad'ness Damian**(R: WHAT? NO ONE IS DAMIEN! CURTIS RX MIGHT BE RIGHT THAT HE'S A TERRIBLE DRUMMER, BUT HE'S BETTER THAN YOU, TWILA!)_(C: You just ruined 'The Omen' for me, thanks Twila)_**

Cullen. I was trying to make you not love my son**(R: I thought this said 'I was trying to make love to my son.')_(C: INCEST!)_** wif my powerz so you would kome back to me."

"Well letz celebrate."**(R: With cake and champgane!)_(C: And strippers!)_**

Jake screamed. "Twila doesn't want you Carl. You need to get over it**(R: Yeah, Carl. Gosh, can't men take a clue_?)(C: Yes, we can)_**."

"You really seem to understnad me?" Carlisse froned confusedly at Jake. "No one has ever realli understood me**(R: Uh oh_.)(C: Gay CarlisleXJacob?)_**."

So we all went to Vegass and had a party and came back to Washerton. Carlile and Jake got marred there. Then Jake died sadly in an axident**(R: WHAT?)_(C: Why didn't you all just die?)_**

so Carliel got remared to Esmie.

"Twila this place isn't safe." Edward told me that nite. "Did u see what happened to Jake, we need to go someplace safer.

I know a safe place for vampirs it's called Black Cavern of Bloody Despair**(R: Um_...)(C: Um...)_**."

"Den letz leave at dawn." I said staring at him deeply wif my eyes. "We kan start a new goffic life."

"Okay he said."

xXxXxXxXxXxXxX END xXxXxXxXxXxXxX**(R: WOOT!)_(C: NO MORE! YES!)_**

**_Curtis: This is the end of this terrible fanfiction with commentary. Please don't cry, my darlings. I'll be doing another co with Rxe on 'Goffik Blood' and a few of my own in my fanfiction account 'CurtistheCuteLittleDeadBoy'... please guys, read 'He Rides the Night', which is on my profile, 'CurtistheCuteLittleDeadBoy'. I love you all-_**

**_Curtis and Rxe_**


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